Boys Don't Like Me--Boys Like Cars and Money

So, I’m about to go on a pathetic rant, but seeing as how nobody reads this, I don’t really care, and if by some chance someone does read this, it’s not going to be anybody that knows me so I still don’t care. Anyway, the topic for today is why boys don’t like me. I said it was pathetic.
Here is a little look into my life: I have never had a boyfriend, I've never been kissed, I've never held hands, I have only been on three dates in my life (most people probably wouldn’t even count them as real dates—two high school dances and a blind group date) and I haven’t been on a date in about three years. Oh, and I'm 20 years old. Why don't boys like me, you may ask? Am I some hideous, unlovable wretch? I hope not, but who knows.
Here are some of my theories as to why guys don’t like me:
1. I am a hideous, unlovable wretch.
2. I am shy.
3. I’m too fat.
4. I’m not as busty as Dolly Parton.
5. I’m too much like a man.
6. I have the world’s largest double chin.
7. I look like I’m angry all the time.
8. I seem crazy.
9. I have the nose of an ogre.

In the following paragraphs, I will explain why I have these theories, and I will also refute the ones that I can.
Am I a hideous, unlovable wretch? I hate to sound conceited, but there are girls out there that are uglier than me and they still go on dates and get boyfriends and get married. I have to believe that I’m not too ugly to be loved.
I’m shy, yes, but if a guy wants to get to know me, won’t HE make the effort to talk to ME? Shy girls go out too, so I have to believe that it’s not because I’m shy.
Am I too fat? Well, again, fatter girls go out on dates, and I’m really not that fat, just a little chubby. Besides, weight comes and goes, right? So why does it matter?
My chest. Oh boy. If guys are really too shallow to go out with me because of my chest size, then who wants to be with them anyway?
I’m too much like a man. Let me explain this. I have a medical condition that causes my body to produce excess amounts of testosterone. I’m afraid that guys can somehow sense that, and they are not attracted to me because I’m not woman enough. This point can be refuted, though, because I just received a call from my doctor this week and she said that, because of the medication I have been taking, my hormones are all in balance now, and I am, and I quote, “normal”. P.S. This condition is also what makes me fat, and it makes it very difficult to lose weight. Lucky me.
I have the world’s largest double chin. It’s true. It’s bigger than everyone else’s in my family, even though I’m not the fattest person in my family. I can lose it, but it’ll probably be the last thing to go.
People tell me I look angry all the time. I don’t know how I can help that, unless I plaster a phony smile on my face 24/7, but I don’t think my cheek muscles are up for it. Just know, people of the world, that I’m not angry all the time.
I seem crazy. I don’t know how I do it, but everyone thinks I’m crazy. I swear all I ever do is sit there and say nothing, but then I always get people commenting on how crazy and fun I am. Well, some people think I’m fun, others just think I’m weird. I had a guy say about me once, “Who’s going to date her for the way she thinks?” What is that supposed to mean? I’ve also had people tell me I’m weird and so on and so forth. Well, I’m not really crazy. I’m just a shy, quiet, and quite sane person.
Yeah…my nose isn’t the best, but you know what? It’s my nose. I think I still look pretty dang cute with my ogre nose, and I’d never change it, even if I can afford to someday.
Let me tell you now all of the reasons why guys SHOULD like me. I’m cute, I’m nice, I’m smart, I’m a good person, I’m honest, I have a good sense of humor, I have good taste in music, I’m easy-going, I’m not demanding, I’m not going to call a guy 20 times a day, I’m not going to keep a guy from hanging out with his friends, and I’m just a really awesome person. I am completely confused as to why guys don’t like me. Is it all in my head? Am I making it up? Well, I told you my stats earlier. Besides, you don’t know the half of it. Whenever I make an effort to talk to guys, they always have the same reaction—they don’t look at me (they look down or away), they talk very quietly, they completely act like they don’t want to talk to me and they only talk to me because they have to (like if I ask them a question or something), and if there’s a blonde girl around, they will turn and start talking to her instead of me. Ouch. Oh wait, it gets worse. Some guys are just plain mean to my face. I have had “I hate you and I hope you die” and also “You’re ugly and you wear too much make-up”. Well, there you go. I’m the girl who’s never been anything but rejected. Maybe that’s why I’m kind of against men now. They’ve never given me a reason to like them, so until they do, I’ll just continue hating them. Like they hate me.