Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never to Have Loved at All?

I fall under the "never loved at all" category. Does that mean that I am worse off than those who have loved and lost? I don't know. Sure, I get lonely sometimes. I get sad. I cry. But I don't wail out loudly like my ex-roommate did when she broke up with her boyfriend, or like my brother did in the shower when that blonde girl he was crazy about rejected him. No, my crying is just soft sobs and sniffling as I lay alone in my bed at night, dreaming about what it must feel like to hold someone's hand, to kiss, to...you know. These are things that I have never experienced, but you know what? At least I can look forward to experiencing them someday. I'm glad that I can still look forward to my first kiss and my first time on a real date, where it's just me and a guy and I like him and he likes me. I'm glad I can look forward to walking with a guy and holding hands, and I'm glad I can still look forward to...you know. At least these things aren't over. I still have something to hope for. I still have a lot to hope for. So is it so bad to never have loved? I don't think so. I still have things to dream about. But if I end up growing old and dying alone? I'll let you know.

Some Day My Prince Will Come

Will my prince come someday? Lately I've been so pessimistic about love, or as I like to say, I've been "realistic" about love. It is realistic for me to believe that I'll never fall in love, though, isn't it? I mean, let's have a look at my life thus far. I'm 21 years old, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never held hands. I've been to two high school dances and one blind date and that is the extent of my dating experience. I look around me and it seems that no one has experienced as little as I have. I look at all of my friends on Facebook and most of them are married, some have kids, many have boyfriends or girlfriends or have at least had them previously. I can't name one of my Facebook friends that has a lonelier life than me. I can't believe that I'm such a minority. Almost everyone falls in love at some point in their life, but I haven't. What are the chances? Speaking of Facebook, don't you just love that feeling just as you are about to log on? You are so full of hope. Maybe there will be a message for you. Maybe someone wrote on your wall. Maybe someone added you as a friend, and maybe, by some off chance, someone will ask you to have dinner with them tomorrow night. I get so excited over the little things, but that's because little things are the only things I've ever experienced. Most of the time I experience nothing. Most of the time there is no message. Most of the time there is nothing waiting for me on my Facebook profile, and I certainly never have an invite to dinner. In fact, that one blind date? That was over three years ago, when I was 17. Nothing since. So, it would seem like there is no hope for me. It would seem like my prince will never come, but I like to think otherwise. Besides, married people have no more dreams of love, no more hope for the future. Married people can't enjoy chick flicks. After all, don't chick flicks show us that no matter how awful and lonely our lives may seem, there is always that chance that something magical will happen out of nowhere and completely change our lives around so that we live happily ever after? I like to think that can happen. Maybe it's just a movie, and maybe the statistics of my life thus far would show otherwise, but I like to believe that someday my prince will come. I need to believe that.

Sick of Crying

Sad to be all alone in the world. It seems that no matter what I do, that is exactly where I end up--alone. I've made the mistake three times of sending messages to guys on Myspace and Facebook, and every one of them ended up the same way--in flat-out rejection. Rejection is the story of my life. I am now 21 years old, I've never had a boyfriend, I've been to two high school dances and one blind date and that is the extent of my dating experience, the most recent being the blind date which occured when I was 17--somewhere between three and four years ago.
I guess I may be crazy, but I actually have these ideas about relationships being built on common interests and values, thinking on the same intelligence level, trust, and the ability to be happy just in the mere presence of each other. But, as my newlywed brother and millions of other guys have demonstrated to me, the most important thing in a relationship is apparently physical attraction and physical action. In other words, if you're not a busty blonde sharing common lusts and animal instincts with your beau, you are out of luck in the relationship department. I wish this wasn't true, but more often than not, this is the rule. Well, I am looking for the exception. There has got to be a guy out there with brains enough to realize that there is more to love that physical attraction. He has got to be out there. The only problem is, until I grow a nice pair of boobs and blonde hair, no guy will acknowledge my existence long enough to realize that I love his favorite movies, that I own every CD of his favorite band, that I too have invented the perfect plan for maximizing the benefits of the education system (in my head of course), that I have the same beliefs about God and life, that I will get all of his jokes, that I also can't stand hugs, and that we would be capable of being perfectly happy just being together, that we would have an actual foundation to our relationship besides our love of making out with each other (which my brother's relationship is built on). But, he'll never know that. Because I'm not Barbie on the outside so who cares what's on the inside. It's too bad. We could have had something good.

The Key to Happiness

I really want to write a positive blog. I've been so negative lately, and I really don't like being negative, and I know other people don't like hearing negative things. I feel a lot happier now, though, so I want to write a really positive, inspiring, and uplifting message, just in case someone actually reads this someday. My message is a message of happiness.
If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's this: If you do what is right, you will be happy, and if you don't do what is right, you won't be happy. It's really simple, but it actually took me several years of maturing for this principle to really sink in. It is the key to happiness, and it is the key to life. After all, "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." That is our goal as human beings--to receive eternal happiness.
How can you know what is right and what is wrong? Well, every person is born with the Light of Christ, which gives us the ability to know good from evil. When you do something that is good, you know it and you feel it. Likewise, when you do something that is not good, you know it and you feel it. If you find yourself rationalizing, making up reasons why something is good, and trying to convince yourself that something is right, then it probably is not right. Don't go against your natural instinct. You knew that it was wrong in the first place, so don't try to force yourself to change your mind. You'll be happier that way, I promise.
People always try to find happiness in the wrong places. They think that money will bring them happiness, or losing weight, or that new car, or that new house, or that new job, or whatever. These things will not bring happiness, though. The trouble is, when people do receive these things or accomplish these goals, if they are still unhappy, instead of realizing that these things might not bring happiness after all, they think that they must not have enough money or they mustn't have lost enough weight or whatever. People need to realize that happiness comes from praying. Happiness comes from studying the scriptures. Happiness comes from church attendance. Happiness comes from serving others. Happiness comes from being kind to our fellow brothers and sisters in this world. Happiness comes from living like Christ. I know that these things are true, because I have tested them myself and I know how these things make me feel. Yes, I still get sad sometimes. I still cry. I still get hurt, but overall, I know who I am. I know my purpose in life and I know that I am fulfilling that purpose the best I can, and I know I am happy.

Men and their Evil Ways

I know my past couple blogs have been angry anti-man rants, and I really like to be a positive and optimistic person, and I don't like to make gender-based stereotypes, but I think I have good reason for these things that I have said and am about to say.
Lately, I have tried going to a few different chat rooms on the Internet. I just really want to have an intelligent conversation with somebody, but every time I would get guys with horrible, derogatory user names messaging me, and they all started with the same first two questions: What do you look like? and What is your cup size? Isn't that horrible?! Even when I went to religious chat rooms with very strict rules, I still got guys asking me what I was wearing and if I sleep naked! And these are not the worst things, but I saw all sorts of horrible things scrolling up my computer screen--things that a good innocent girl like me never wants to hear! I can say now that I never intend on visiting a chat room again. The people in chat rooms are monsters! They are animals! I think chat rooms bring out the worst in people. The scary thing is, maybe in real life these people seem like very decent people, but when they go home on their computers, the Mr. Hydes come out. You never can know what a person is really like. Even the seemingly very best people have a dark side. You never can know all of the billions of thoughts buzzing in a person's mind. You can know someone one minute, and the next they have let their dark thoughts control their outward actions. That is one reason why I am so afraid to get married. How can you know someone well enough to commit to eternity with them? I am so amazed at the people who get engaged in two weeks and marry each other the next month. How can they know each other that well? How does a girl know her husband isn't running a pornographic web site and telling her lies? How does she know he isn't thinking more and more about the woman in his office, so much so that he imagines himself with her, and then eventually finds himself at her apartment? How does a girl know that her husband won't stab her one night and hide her body in a forest, only to keep his secrets from her? I can tell from people I know and from actual events, that men are much more likely to cheat than women. Why is that? The man chooses the wife--shouldn't he be happy with her? Then why does he want more? I'll tell you why. It's because men care about what you look like and your cup size, and when he doesn't like what he sees anymore, he finds someone else.

Man-Hating Rant

I’m sorry, but here goes another pathetic rant. Nobody reads this anyway. Anyway, guys are so retarded. They are shallow, conceited, mean, and just plain horrible! And I’m not just some angry girl who got her heart broken and is hating the world now. No, guys have never given me a chance so that they COULD brake my heart. That’s how shallow and horrible they are. It’s taken me years of experience to develop these ideas about men. I didn’t always hate them. I used to believe that men and women weren’t so different and that men were just people too, but oh no. Men are mean. They’re mean. Let me expound a bit. Men are all about outside appearances and physical physical physical. I know the rest of the world already knows this, but I’m just discovering it. I’m just a naïve, trusting soul who looks for the good in people and who believes in the best in people, but now I know better. Men would rather be with an insane girl who looks like a supermodel than be with an average girl with an awesome personality. I have four brothers. I know. They told me themselves that looks are more important than personality to them. It’s so ridiculous. I would think that guys would like to be with someone who understands them, whom they could have an intelligent conversation with, but no. I guess looks are all that matter, which is sad because people can’t control what they look like. Why do people honor and even worship people who are gorgeous? What did they accomplish? All they did was be born, same as any ugly duckling on this earth who was never given anything. It’s so strange the emphasis people put on outside appearances. People think they know what a person is like just by looking at their outside. You just can’t know someone that way. I am the least shallow person in the world. I have been nothing but nice to guys and accepting of all types and I give them chances, but what have they done for me? They’ve never given me a chance. They aren’t even nice to me—they’re not even polite! They don’t even pretend to be nice! They call me ugly to my face and treat me like some repulsive beast that they can’t even bear to look at! I said I’m accepting of all types, but I guess I’m not very accepting of jerks, which is why I don’t like men. Not anymore.

Boys Don't Like Me--Boys Like Cars and Money

So, I’m about to go on a pathetic rant, but seeing as how nobody reads this, I don’t really care, and if by some chance someone does read this, it’s not going to be anybody that knows me so I still don’t care. Anyway, the topic for today is why boys don’t like me. I said it was pathetic.
Here is a little look into my life: I have never had a boyfriend, I've never been kissed, I've never held hands, I have only been on three dates in my life (most people probably wouldn’t even count them as real dates—two high school dances and a blind group date) and I haven’t been on a date in about three years. Oh, and I'm 20 years old. Why don't boys like me, you may ask? Am I some hideous, unlovable wretch? I hope not, but who knows.
Here are some of my theories as to why guys don’t like me:
1. I am a hideous, unlovable wretch.
2. I am shy.
3. I’m too fat.
4. I’m not as busty as Dolly Parton.
5. I’m too much like a man.
6. I have the world’s largest double chin.
7. I look like I’m angry all the time.
8. I seem crazy.
9. I have the nose of an ogre.

In the following paragraphs, I will explain why I have these theories, and I will also refute the ones that I can.
Am I a hideous, unlovable wretch? I hate to sound conceited, but there are girls out there that are uglier than me and they still go on dates and get boyfriends and get married. I have to believe that I’m not too ugly to be loved.
I’m shy, yes, but if a guy wants to get to know me, won’t HE make the effort to talk to ME? Shy girls go out too, so I have to believe that it’s not because I’m shy.
Am I too fat? Well, again, fatter girls go out on dates, and I’m really not that fat, just a little chubby. Besides, weight comes and goes, right? So why does it matter?
My chest. Oh boy. If guys are really too shallow to go out with me because of my chest size, then who wants to be with them anyway?
I’m too much like a man. Let me explain this. I have a medical condition that causes my body to produce excess amounts of testosterone. I’m afraid that guys can somehow sense that, and they are not attracted to me because I’m not woman enough. This point can be refuted, though, because I just received a call from my doctor this week and she said that, because of the medication I have been taking, my hormones are all in balance now, and I am, and I quote, “normal”. P.S. This condition is also what makes me fat, and it makes it very difficult to lose weight. Lucky me.
I have the world’s largest double chin. It’s true. It’s bigger than everyone else’s in my family, even though I’m not the fattest person in my family. I can lose it, but it’ll probably be the last thing to go.
People tell me I look angry all the time. I don’t know how I can help that, unless I plaster a phony smile on my face 24/7, but I don’t think my cheek muscles are up for it. Just know, people of the world, that I’m not angry all the time.
I seem crazy. I don’t know how I do it, but everyone thinks I’m crazy. I swear all I ever do is sit there and say nothing, but then I always get people commenting on how crazy and fun I am. Well, some people think I’m fun, others just think I’m weird. I had a guy say about me once, “Who’s going to date her for the way she thinks?” What is that supposed to mean? I’ve also had people tell me I’m weird and so on and so forth. Well, I’m not really crazy. I’m just a shy, quiet, and quite sane person.
Yeah…my nose isn’t the best, but you know what? It’s my nose. I think I still look pretty dang cute with my ogre nose, and I’d never change it, even if I can afford to someday.
Let me tell you now all of the reasons why guys SHOULD like me. I’m cute, I’m nice, I’m smart, I’m a good person, I’m honest, I have a good sense of humor, I have good taste in music, I’m easy-going, I’m not demanding, I’m not going to call a guy 20 times a day, I’m not going to keep a guy from hanging out with his friends, and I’m just a really awesome person. I am completely confused as to why guys don’t like me. Is it all in my head? Am I making it up? Well, I told you my stats earlier. Besides, you don’t know the half of it. Whenever I make an effort to talk to guys, they always have the same reaction—they don’t look at me (they look down or away), they talk very quietly, they completely act like they don’t want to talk to me and they only talk to me because they have to (like if I ask them a question or something), and if there’s a blonde girl around, they will turn and start talking to her instead of me. Ouch. Oh wait, it gets worse. Some guys are just plain mean to my face. I have had “I hate you and I hope you die” and also “You’re ugly and you wear too much make-up”. Well, there you go. I’m the girl who’s never been anything but rejected. Maybe that’s why I’m kind of against men now. They’ve never given me a reason to like them, so until they do, I’ll just continue hating them. Like they hate me.

Let's Clean Up the Media

What is the deal with all of the filth in movies and on TV? Does America have no pride? Think about it. Most of what other countries know about Americans they learn from American movies. Is that the way we want to be portrayed to the world?
They rate movies according to the content, and allow people to view the movies according to their age, but I'm an adult and I don't want to see that stuff either! Does anyone actually enjoy watching that crap? Really. If I ever hear someone say, "Oh quiet! Here comes the sex scene! It's my favorite," I will seriously worry about that individual. I don't think anyone likes watching that stuff, and if someone does then they seriously need therapy. Imagine yourself sitting in the living room, watching a movie with others, whether they be friends or family, and a sex scene comes on. I think everyone has pretty much the same reaction--they divert their eyes around the room uncomfortably, occasionally checking the TV to see if it's over yet. Nobody likes it. So why is it in pretty much every movie and TV show that come out these days? And that's not the only problem. What about sex jokes and innuendo? They are just horrible, in more ways than one. Not only are they bad as in evil, but they are also bad as in not funny. Anyone can say something totally innocent, and someone can turn it into a sex joke. Very lame. What about swearing? There is swearing all over the place. What's worse is when I watch movies that swear, I find more and more swear words slipping out of my own mouth when I get angry! I don't want to say those words! I don't want those words and phrases stuck in my head, but movies and TV put them there! My point is, let's raise the bar. Let's not be so lenient with our movie ratings and with what's shown on TV. Let's make the PG-13's like how the PG's are now. Let's make everything better, because the people of America do have pride, and they do have morals, and it's about time we show it.

College Education? Why?

Why is a college degree required for so many occupations? College does not make you a better worker, college does not make you a more honest employee, and I can even say that college does not make you smarter. Don't get me wrong; I'm all for being educated. The problem is, nowadays education isn't about being educated. It's about getting letters and pieces of paper and forms saying that you've been there and you've done that.
I'm going to college to be a teacher, but I already know that I could make a good teacher as I am now. In fact, I would make a better teacher than half of the teachers already out there. I have to take education classes, and I'm sad to say it, but most of the people aspiring to be teachers are really idiotic girls who just think little kids are so gosh darn cute! Here are a couple of direct quotes from my fellow classmates: "Does air take up space? I don't think it does" and "Peanutts? Aren't those those things that elephants eat?" These are the people who will educate the future generations, but I can't be a teacher yet because I don't have a little piece of paper to state that I'm "certified". Well, what does it take to be certified? Does it take lots of hard work, studying, and learning? Not necessarily. I could party every night and plagerize and cheat my way through all of my classes, as long as I get the grade in the end. That's all that matters, right? That's the way our society is, anyway. I don't agree with it. Why does someone need a piece of paper to get the job? As far as I'm concerned, that paper means nothing. It doesn't mean that I'm smart, it doesn't mean that I'm honest, and it doesn't mean that I'm a good teacher. It means I paid lots of money and wasted lots of time in order to be deemed "certified" when I was already qualified before I even stepped foot on a college campus.

Sexism and Physical Strength

My theory is, the chief cause for sexism against women throughout history is mainly due to the fact that the average woman has less natural physical strength than the average man. This gives men the ability to control and rule over women, to put it short. The solution? Become a disgustingly strong and manlike female bodybuilder. Then you can go and face the world with no fears. Too bad I'm just so darn lazy. :)

Cleaning

So here are my opinions on how household chores should be done. A very fascinating topic, I know. Let's say Billy cleans the living room and Sally cleans the kitchen, but Sally's jackets and shoes and homework papers are all scattered across the living room couches, coffee table, and floor, and nothing in the room belongs to Billy. Why should Billy have to clean up all of Sally's things? Here is my solution to the problem: Everyone picks up their own things, or the things that were placed there by them, and then everyone cleans up natural messes by taking turns vaccuuming, sweeping, dusting, etc. And voila! The house is cleaned and justice is served.